“Sometimes the most beautiful people are beautifully broken.” ―
A lot of people consider themselves to be broken. It may be because of a traumatic past or a mental illness or because they just feel like they mess everything up. Some people hide this the best they can and try to fill their live and be whole. They lock it up where no one can see and shut off their emotions. Other people embrace being broken. It’s just part of who they are, and it may be easy to see.
I feel that at least in my experience, broken attracts broken. This seems to happen for me even when I can’t tell in the beginning if they are broken. I’m not really sure why this happens. Maybe we think we can fix each other or that two broken people can make one whole person. Maybe we just see it as the only option.
If I am around or with someone who I perceive to be whole and unbroken, I don’t feel that I can truly be myself. I build up a wall and pretend that I am completely together. I don’t want to bother them, and I don’t want their pity. The problem is I can’t keep up that act forever. Eventually, the wall crumbles and they see at least a part of who I really am, and I am a mess. They don’t like the real person and they leave, or they feel bad for you and they stay, but neither way feels good to you. You can’t be who they want you to, but you feel pressured to try and to pretendto be. They never fully understand why you are that way and they can never fully accept it even though they say they do.
“I like that you’re broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you’re lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you” -from the song Broken by lovelytheband
I guess subconsciously I choose broken people to protect myself from all that. I’m more able to be my self around these people. I can be vulnerable. I don’t have to pretend I’m fine. I don’t have to hide truths about myself. I feel more accepted. I know this isn’t always the case of it being a good thing. I mean sometimes with all our issues we can hurt each other and inflict pain unintentionally, but somehow, at least for me, it’s still easier.
With other broken people, you don’t feel like you’re a problem that needs to be fixed or have to feel bad about yourself. You just are. They’re the same as you, and they’ve been there. you can just be there for each other without having to explain to someone who never understands. Even if you’re suffering intrinsically, you can get through it together. It’s all so much easier when you are around people who feel the same things and experience the same kind of things.
Maybe, I look at this completely wrong, but I know what is easier for me. I know that when I’m with people like me, I don’t feel so alone. Everything seems so much more bearable.