“All the best stories in the world are but one story in reality -the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape.” -Walter Bagehot
As of late, I’ve been feeling very trapped in my own life. My entire life has taken place in such a small area. I never really moved except a couple of streets over, and although my university is in a different town, it still seems to close. I’m just starting to feel claustrophobic like the state borders are closing in on me.
The scenery never changes. I see the same people who I’ve seen all my life over and over. It feels like there’s no escape from the past or even just the current. It all seems to be a little mind numbing. The same routine day after day with no variation. Seeing the same places doing the same things, it’s no longer the comfort it once was.
I used to be so afraid of change and leaving, but now it’s all I can think about. I just want to get in the car and drive, not caring where it takes me. I feel like anywhere else would be a welcome change. I just want to see the world after being sheltered from it for so long by barely leaving home. I want a fresh start somewhere new. I want to have stories to tell and new experiences.
However, for now, I just have to settle with the simple escapes life throws my way. I feel like people can be an escape in a way; certain people are at least. Something I often look for in friends in spontaneity (which I seem to lack). The best kind of people are the ones that call you and say “I’m outside.” or “Let’s go to (insert place here).” I mean it may not always be convenient, but neither is life.
I seem to like to be around people who make me forget all my worries and stress like they never existed. Things seem so much simpler when you’re laughing so hard you can’t breathe, visiting some random new place, driving down the road with unconventional music blaring, or just having a deep conversation with a friend. The bad thoughts just disappear for a while and are replaced with happy ones. And you escape it all.
“That’s the funny thing about trying to escape. You never really can. Maybe temporarily, but not completely.” ―
Your mood is so high, but it doesn’t last. You feel better about your problems, but once you’re alone again, they slowly come back. For me sometimes, it takes a couple of hours to start the worrying again, sometimes a couple of days, but it always comes back. I never seem to realize how good I was feeling until I hit a new low.
The happy memories bring me optimism though. The next adventure is the light at the end of the tunnel. I just have to get there, and thinking about what a good time I’ll have helps me through the darkness.
I live for those random moments of happiness that are so all-consuming that you don’t see the bad in your life. For me, those moments, those adventures, they give life meaning. I treasure each one, and I never stop looking for the next one.