Tag: Change

Posted in Friendship

Choosing People

Posted on by flamingirl6

“Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you’ve met and you’re like, ‘Yep, I like this one,’ and you just do stuff with them.”  -Bill Murray

I find it so strange how people just randomly come into your life whether it be a friendship or relationship.  Friendships don’t just appear either.  I mean you know a person and gradually over time you become closer, and at some point you just look over and realize that they’re really your friend.  You can never really pinpoint the exact moment something changed; it could have been any moment.

I don’t think it really starts off as a choice because you don’t choose to meet new people.  It just kind of happens.  I think that certain people are meant to be in your life, and the universe has a way of pushing them into your path.  I mean I’ve met people and just been drawn to them.

“I have learned that friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest, it’s about who came and never left your side.” -Yolanda Hadid

Friendship, at least for me, is separate from time.  I’ve met people and felt like I’d known them my whole life after only a couple of weeks.  Friends just become such a big part of your life that at some point you can’t imagine going back to before they were around.  It would feel like an episode of the Twilight Zone if all of a sudden they weren’t in your life.

Time is an irrelevant factor.  People I’ve known for a couple of months or a year can care more than someone I’ve known for ten years.  It’s all about choice.  Whether you choose to be there for someone even when it’s hard and make time to for them even when you are busy.  It’s about whether you choose to stay or walk away.

In the big picture, it seems so weird.  You meet a stranger form a connection or bond with them, and then you spend time together.  You learn about each other, and make memories.  You remember all the random details about this person, and know their life story.  When a short while ago, the two of you were complete strangers.  You don’t even really realize you are choosing them you just do.

I suppose they’re is something that draws you to the person in the first place like maybe their sense of humor.  Maybe you are drawn to their personality because they are more like you want to be whether it be their ability to be realistic or outgoing or maybe their optimism.  Maybe you choose them because they remind you of yourself in a way or because of similar experiences you’ve shared.

No matter what it is, you subconsciously choose this person.  You choose to trust them and let them into your life.  You choose to make memories with them and to be there for them.  You choose to love them for the strange individuals they are.  Most importantly, you choose to let them change your life.

-Love, Dee

 

Posted in Getting Away

Escape

Posted on by flamingirl6

“All the best stories in the world are but one story in reality -the story of escape.  It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape.” -Walter Bagehot

As of late, I’ve been feeling very trapped in my own life.  My entire life has taken place in such a small area.  I never really moved except a couple of streets over, and although my university is in a different town, it still seems to close.   I’m just starting to feel claustrophobic like the state borders are closing in on me.

The scenery never changes. I see the same people who I’ve seen all my life over and over.  It feels like there’s no escape from the past or even just the current.  It all seems to be a little mind numbing. The same routine day after day with no variation.  Seeing the same places doing the same things, it’s no longer the comfort it once was.

I used to be so afraid of change and leaving, but now it’s all I can think about.  I just want to get in the car and drive, not caring where it takes me.  I feel like anywhere else would be a welcome change.  I just want to see the world after being sheltered from it for so long by barely leaving home.  I want a fresh start somewhere new.  I want to have stories to tell and new experiences.

However, for now, I just have to settle with the simple escapes life throws my way.  I feel like people can be an escape in a way; certain people are at least.  Something I often look for in friends in spontaneity (which I seem to lack).  The best kind of people are the ones that call you and say “I’m outside.” or “Let’s go to (insert place here).”  I mean it may not always be convenient, but neither is life.

I seem to like to be around people who make me forget all my worries and stress like they never existed.  Things seem so much simpler when you’re laughing so hard you can’t breathe, visiting some random new place, driving down the road with unconventional music blaring, or just having a deep conversation with a friend.  The bad thoughts just disappear for a while and are replaced with happy ones. And you escape it all.

“That’s the funny thing about trying to escape. You never really can. Maybe temporarily, but not completely.” ― Jennifer L. Armentrout

Your mood is so high, but it doesn’t last.  You feel better about your problems, but once you’re alone again, they slowly come back.  For me sometimes, it takes a couple of hours to start the worrying again, sometimes a couple of days, but it always comes back.  I never seem to realize how good I was feeling until I hit a new low.

The happy memories bring me optimism though.  The next adventure is the light at the end of the tunnel.  I just have to get there, and thinking about what a good time I’ll have helps me through the darkness.

I live for those random moments of happiness that are so all-consuming that you don’t see the bad in your life.  For me, those moments, those adventures, they give life meaning.  I treasure each one, and I never stop looking for the next one.

-Love, Dee

Posted in Flamingos

About the Flamingos

Posted on by flamingirl6

“Be a Flamingo in a flock of Pigeons” -Savannah Larsen

I thought it would only be appropriate to explain my obsession with flamingos.  Flamingos are my favorite animal, but it is more than that.  I relate to what flamingos stand for.

I’ve never felt like I quite fit in no matter where I am.  I’m kind of socially awkward, and I think differently.   I spent all of my years in high school trying to change to fit the cultural norm.   I starved myself trying to lose weight to be thin because that was what I was told I should be.  It didn’t matter that it wasn’t really possible for my body type.  I never had the popular brands in clothes and gadgets because it was too expensive, and yet somehow, that gave my peers a reason to think of me as less and treat me like a second class citizen.

I wasn’t the kind of girl who wanted to sit around and talk about makeup, celebrities, and boys.  I was worried about the latest novel or comic, or superhero movie.  This never went well in social groups.  If I showed excitement for these so-called “nerdy” topics, I was laughed at or received an eye roll. The only thing about me they didn’t mind was my intelligence because I would always help them with homework, but as soon as I was no longer useful, I was no longer included.

The way I was treated made me feel ashamed to be myself.  I did everything I could to fit in.  I saved my money and bought the cool brands, I lost as much weight as I could and barely ate, I learned to keep my mouth shut about my interests and pretend to be interested in their conversation topics, and I helped them study and do homework.  I didn’t like myself much like that either because that’s not who I was.

Even after I molded myself into who they thought I should be, I wasn’t a part of their group.  I was still an outcast.  They never cared about me.  They only cared about what I could do for them.  As soon as they didn’t need homework help, they disappeared from my life only to reappear when they needed the help again.

I spent a long time realizing the truth and even longer time going back to who I really was.  I had to learn that it didn’t matter what people thought and to get rid of the stigma that I should be ashamed of who I am.

“A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.”  – Charley Harper

I am getting to the flamingo part, and it does relate to that story.  This experience drove me to love flamingos.  When I used to think of Flamingos, I would picture the plastic lawn flamingos which most people think of as cheap or trashy, but that is so one-sided.  There is so much more to them.  They are living, breathing, proud, and beautiful creatures.

Flamingos are so majestically awkward.  They stand on one leg, and even though it looks impossible, they fly.  Flamingos couldn’t hide in a crowd (not that they would want to).  The bright pink color makes them impossible to miss.  They are social creatures and live in flocks like a family.  Most importantly, flamingos keep their heads held high.  Even though they are different from all the other animals, they are proud never ashamed.

I love flamingos because they stand for all I aspire to be.  I want to live beyond what others see me as.  I want to have that much confidence and not second guess everything I do.  I want to be unapologetic for who I am and to be proud of it.  I want to no longer feel the need to fit in to how others want me to be.  I just want to be the person I already am, beautiful in my own way.

                                                                                                                -Love, Dee

 

Posted in Introduction

A New Beginning

Posted on by flamingirl6

Thanks for joining me!

“Only I can change my life.  No one can do it for me.” — Carol Burnett

I have had my fair share of problems in my life thus far, and I do not expect them to end anytime soon.  After some recent events and a long, ongoing struggle with depression, I realized something had to change.  I hated my life, and for some time I wanted it to end.  Then I realized, I didn’t want to die.  I wanted to live; I just didn’t want to live like this.  I have spent my life just existing and it hasn’t been enough.  This blog will document my ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety, as well as the journey I am taking outside my comfort zone to change my life.  I am also going to write about some important issues for me.  To end on a more positive note, I am including a Doctor Who quote that is inspiring me on this journey.

“We are all stories in the end, just make it a good one eh?”- The Eleventh Doctor

-Love, Dee