Tag: pretend

Posted in Emotions

“Victim”

Posted on by flamingirl6

“Beware of perpetrators in disguise… Some people set fires wherever they go, and have mastered the art of playing the burn victim.” –Steve Maraboli

I think everyone is a victim in certain circumstances, but some people seem to play the victim. It’s something you just believe until you get to know them better and see that they are the problem.  You just have to look at both sides.

The main determinate is perception.  Maybe, there are motives and past events that are not taken into account.  If you hear a story about a man punching another man, you assume the guy that got punched is the victim.  However, the guy that got punched could have been verbally harassing and threatening the guy that punched him which makes the role of victim be reversed.

It’s a tricky subject because you probably will only ever hear the one side.  You can’t really know all the facts unless you were there.  I’ve seen certain people use this to their advantage and play the victim over and over tricking countless other people.  They never even see it coming.  I know I didn’t in certain circumstances.

A common place you see this is when people talk about their past relationships.  They will tell you all kinds of horrible things their ex did to them, but they won’t ever tell you that they were cheating on them.  So you feel bad for them and give them sympathy the they are the “victim” after all.  Then, at some point maybe you date them and they cheat on you, and you realize it was all an act to draw you in.  Another example is guys that claim they are nice guys and complain about never getting the girl.   These guys are usually not the nice guy.  They play the victim to lure people in, and boy, you seem like the fool when you realize the truth.  A similar example is when people complain about always being friend zoned, but fail to mention how they friend zone everyone who doesn’t look like a model.

“Abandon the idea that you will forever be the victim of the things that have happened to you. Choose to be a victor.” ― Seth Adam Smith

Not as many people play the victim as actually are.  The world is a scary place, and lots of terrible things happen to people.  It is completely beyond their control, and they are victims.  Even after everything is over, sometimes you’re stuck in that mindset as a victim.  You never really move past it.

Many people aren’t pretending to be a victim though.  They really feel like they are.  I feel that way sometimes, and I know others do as well.  Sometimes the things that happen to us can’t be helped.  It’s not our fault, but we can’t let it consume us.  We can’t let the things that happen to us define who we are and reflect on the rest of our lives.

If you act like a victim, it seems that you are treated like a victim.  Not just people feeling sorry for you, but also, more bad things seem to happen to make you more of a victim.  At least that’s the way I think.  People see weakness, and they take advantage of that over and over to hurt you more.  You can’t let just anyone in to see your weaknesses and your pain.

You have to see the flip side of being a victim.  Even though bad things happened to you, you made it through and are a survivor.  That is something to be proud of.

-Love, Dee

Posted in Appearances

Behind the Mask

Posted on by flamingirl6

“No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” ― Nathaniel Hawthorne

We all wear masks to trick the outside world that’s just the way life is.  You portray yourself differently for different people.  You act innocent and respectful and sweet around your parents.  You act smart and hardworking in front of teachers and your boss.  You try to be your best most interesting self with romantic interests.  Even with friends, you probably don’t tell each one everything.  Maybe who we are is all of these masks combined and maybe it isn’t.

It’s hard to tell where you stop and the mask begins.  If you act a certain way for so long, it becomes a part of you.  We pick up different traits and actions.  We mimic others.  At some point, you have to stop and ask yourself who you are.  I know that I couldn’t come up with an answer for that question.  I might really be who I am when I’m alone, or I might be a combination of all the people I am in different settings.  But that still doesn’t answer which thoughts and traits and actions are entirely my own and not influenced in some way by an outside source.

When I read a book, I pick up ideas and see personality traits of characters that I admire.  Subconsciously, I feel that this alters who we are just a bit.  If I’m around people for long enough, I pick up mannerisms and habits like sayings from them, and subconsciously do them myself.  So how can I ever possibly determine where I stop and the mask begins?  Everything gets all muddled together.  We are constantly changing and putting on a mask.  Everyday you might be someone different.

“Don’t you know that a midnight hour comes when everyone has to take off his mask? Do you think life always lets itself be trifled with? Do you think you can sneak off a little before midnight to escape this?” ― Søren Kierkegaard

I think maybe the mask is a form of protection.  If I don’t know who I am, how can anyone else know who I am?  If they never see the real you, maybe it hurts less if they reject you.  I’m not sure that you can ever fully know someone, or that they can know you.  I think we do this as a survival mechanism to blend into our surroundings and do the best we can there.  I know that it really upsets me when I find out that people aren’t who I though they were, but at the same time maybe misrepresenting themselves wasn’t intentional.

I think we kind of act how we perceive the person we are around wants us to act.  We try to be the exact replica of what we think that for that person is ideal.  But even if it’s subconscious, different traits of ours that are less than ideal always break through at some point.  This is when people realize they don’t know you.  This is when relationships end.  This is when people leave.  I feel like it’d hurt a lot more if people rejected entirely who I am rather than just a faint shadow of it.  Maybe, we put on a mask just because we know that we aren’t yet who we want to be, and we don’t want others to see us until we are perfect.

I don’t really think there is one clear solution.  I know a lot of people struggle with identity and where in this world they fit in.  I can’t just be me when I don’t really know who I am yet.

-Love, Dee

Posted in Emotions

Broken Attracts Broken

Posted on by flamingirl6

“Sometimes the most beautiful people are beautifully broken.” ― Robert M Drake

A lot of people consider themselves to be broken.  It may be because of a traumatic past or a mental illness or because they just feel like they mess everything up.  Some people hide this the best they can and try to fill their live and be whole.  They lock it up where no one can see and shut off their emotions.  Other people embrace being broken. It’s just part of who they are, and it may be easy to see.

I feel that at least in my experience, broken attracts broken.   This seems to happen for me even when I can’t tell in the beginning if they are broken.  I’m not really sure why this happens.  Maybe we think we can fix each other or that two broken people can make one whole person.  Maybe we just see it as the only option.

If I am around or with someone who I perceive to be whole and unbroken, I don’t feel that I can truly be myself.  I build up a wall and pretend that I am completely together.  I don’t want to bother them, and I don’t want their pity.  The problem is I can’t keep up that act forever.  Eventually, the wall crumbles and they see at least a part of who I really am, and I am a mess.  They don’t like the real person and they leave, or they feel bad for you and they stay, but neither way feels good to you.  You can’t be who they want you to, but you feel pressured to try and to pretendto be.   They never fully understand why you are that way and they can never fully accept it even though they say they do.

“I like that you’re broken
Broken like me
Maybe that makes me a fool
I like that you’re lonely
Lonely like me
I could be lonely with you” -from the song Broken by lovelytheband

I guess subconsciously I choose broken people to protect myself from all that.  I’m more able to be my self around these people. I can be vulnerable.  I don’t have to pretend I’m fine.  I don’t have to hide truths about myself.  I feel more accepted.  I know this isn’t always the case of it being a good thing.  I mean sometimes with all our issues we can hurt each other and inflict pain unintentionally, but somehow, at least for me, it’s still easier.

With other broken people, you don’t feel like you’re a problem that needs to be fixed or have to feel bad about yourself.  You just are.  They’re the same as you, and they’ve been there.  you can just be there for each other without having to explain to someone who never understands.  Even if you’re suffering intrinsically, you can get through it together.  It’s all so much easier when you are around people who feel the same things and experience the same kind of things.

Maybe, I look at this completely wrong, but I know what is easier for me.  I know that when I’m with people like me, I don’t feel so alone.  Everything seems so much more bearable.

-Love, Dee